Choose your own adventure

A

I'll combine what rot and tim wanted.


> you enter the starbucks, carrying an unconscious ferret and spattered in other people's blood. you see before you a cashier, who looks scared of your appearance. the cashier picks up a phone. You assume the cashier is attempting to summon police so you shoot the phone, chamber another shell, and blow the cashier's chest open. When the manager protests, you fire two shells into her. Any other starbucks employees must have fled because you don't see any more.

A) loot the corpses
B) harvest the corpses for organs
C) look inside the cash register
D) take some coffee and chill with the talking ferret
E) go back to a previously mentioned location

D

> you make up your mind to go somewhere else

A) the street
B) brothel
C) grocery
D) warehouse
E) [make something up]

We chose D, not E! I DEMAND COFFEE!

> the narrator is taken out and shot in front of your very eyes. Seeing this disturbing image only causes you to yearn for some coffee. You drop the ferret on a table and go behind the counter for some coffee.

A) black
B) something that claims to be coffee but has random stuff put in it to hide the fact that yes, it really is coffee deep down

A

A

A!

And, can we loot the register while we're at it?

B

> you set the coffee beans into a magic coffee maker and push the button "black coffee" to receive two steaming cups. You return to your table and push a cup over to the waking ferret. "I say, why in blazes did you get coffee? I want me damn tea!" You stare at the ferret blankly...
"you said we could go out for some coffee mate, what's gotten you so uppity?" you reply to the ferret's outburst
"you raped me in front of witnesses you bloody tosser!" it shot back
"Indeed I did, and I liked it" (you)
"dad gum..." (ferret)
"stop using random british slang that doesn't fit together" (you)
"Nevah!" (ferret) "and I fancy a cuppa, not this black yank nonsense"

A) try to reconcile your differences with the talking ferret
B) slap some sense into that wanker
C) use the 32 oz steak
D) drink your coffee
E) shoot the ferret with your shotgun

B

B

only talking gold fish can use british slang...

B

A