Not Always Right

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Not Always Right

Post by CivBase on Mon Sep 26, 2011 11:55 pm



http://notalwaysright.com/

I can't stop reading them! If you find any ones that you really like, post them and I'll add them here.


Wake Up And Smell The Snooty
Spoiler:
(I wait tables in a very upscale restaurant in Manhattan. Most of our clientele makes more money in one year than I’ll ever see in my lifetime. This sometimes leads to customers forgetting that the world does not revolve around them. This particular Saturday night, I have a rather rude couple whom I cannot seem to please, and to top it off, I am not exactly feeling well. I have epilepsy, and as we are extremely busy, my boss has me on a light work load for the night and wants me to take it easy.)

Customer: *shouting across the restaurant* “Waiter! Waiter! My wife and I are ready to order and we were sat five minutes ago already!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re a little busy tonight. What can I get for you two this evening?”

Customer: “Just get us each a glass of your house wine. We’re not ready to order our entrees yet.”

(As the next half-hour progresses, I feel worse and worse until I start to see auras. They’re usually my only warning that I’m about to have a seizure within the next 30 seconds. This happens as I’m carrying out the tray of food for the lovely couple. The last thing I remember is slamming the tray down on the nearest table. The next thing I am aware of is some angry shouting.)

Customer: “I pay good money for my food and this little s*** drops it all over the place! I demand at least some compensation! He knows I have money. He just did it to garner sympathy for an extra tip!”

Boss: “Sir, with all due respect, he has epilepsy and the paramedics are on their way. Anyway, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t fake a seizure, urinate himself, and slice his face open on broken glass on purpose, all for an extra $20. I’m sorry that you’re upset, but we have to take care of the situation at hand first and then we can solve whatever problems remain.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! He has ruined my experience and traumatized my wife!”

(Paramedics arrive, check me over, lift me onto a gurney. Meanwhile, I am absolutely mortified, confused, and crying.)

Customer, to me: “You! I’ll remember your face! You’re a disgusting little money-grubbing runt, trying to garner sympathy from the poor customers in this restaurant! I’m never coming back here after this stunt you pulled. Unforgivable! ”

(He then storms out of the restaurant, dragging his wife behind him, whilst shouting out numerous colorful expletives.)


Fighting Fire With Fire
Spoiler:
(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.)

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers.”

Father: *beaming* “No.”

Me: “No, as in, no you won’t tell them to stop it?”

Father: *still beaming*“Yes.”

(I have to get back to work at this point and sure enough, the kids keep misbehaving. Several customers complain to me but I have no authority to throw them out. The last to complain is a table with about eight young guys.)

Customer 1: “So there’s nothing you can do about them?”

Me: “I’m so very sorry sir, but no. I can get you a drink from the house to make up for it.”

Customer 2: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “Well, I can see if I can get you a free desert…”

Customer 2: “Not what I meant. Can’t you get your boss?”

Me: “I’m afraid he’s not in, sir.”

Customer 1: “Well we won’t accept any free stuff. I bet that would come out of your pay.”

Customer 3: Hold on…”

(The customer gets up and the others immediately follow him to the noisy, messy table. They’re now surrounded by eight tall young men who look mighty pissed.)

Customer 3, to the father: “Tell them to stop it.”

Father: *still beaming* “No.”

Customer 1: “You’re upsetting the waitress.”

Father: “Do you guys even work here?”

Customer 1: “No, we’re from that prison up the street. We’re out on parole. Funny coincidence, we all served seven years for kidnapping and murdering a bunch of noisy brats and a jerk who made minimum-wage waitresses cry.”

(At this point the kids become very, very quiet and the other patrons start giggling and staring.)

Father: “You’re lying.”

Customer 4: “Wanna take that chance, buddy?”

(One more lecherous grin was enough to send the whole bunch of misfits scurrying to the exit. My knights in shining armor actually got applause from the other diners and a free meal from me.)


While We’re At It, Here’s A Check For A Gazillion Bucks
Spoiler:
(My pizza place recently stopped accepting checks, due to a large number of returned checks. We have a large sign in the lobby, and a smaller sign at the register.)

Customer: “What?! I can’t write a check?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds.”

Customer: ”But I was going to write a check…”

Me: ”We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account.”

Customer: ”I can’t use my debit card! I don’t have enough money in my account!”

(And THAT is why we no longer take checks!)


Grand Theft Innocence
Spoiler:
(Note: it’s illegal to sell games rated M to small children without parental consent. A young boy and girl, both about ten years old, bring a game well-known for violence, sex, and other child-inappropriate behavior to the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I need your parent’s permission before I can sell you this.”

Kid #1: “Why? He said we can have it. We have the other ones. Just sell it to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your parent’s permission first.”

Kid #2: “Fine. I’ll go get him. Daddy is in the car.”

(The kid returns, followed by her irate dad.)

Dad: “Why won’t you sell them this stupid game? I had to get out of the car because you can’t trust my children not to buy something they shouldn’t? I have good kids!”

Me: “I’m sure you do, sir. It’s a law, though. I can get fired if I don’t make sure to get your permission.”

Dad: “There’s nothing wrong with this game! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “Sure.”

(My manager comes over and gets and ear-full from the guy. He explains how I’ve insulted him and his children by making him come inside.)

Manager: “Well, sir, she’s absolutely right. This game is rated mature and has some pretty rough language and sexual content.”

Dad: “Don’t you think I know what the game is? They have the other ones.”

Manager: “I’m a little surprised, sir. I don’t allow my kids to play this game. It’s pretty violent.”

Dad: “I turn the volume down! What kind of parent do you think I am?”

Manager: “Well, sir, you can’t turn the volume down on beating a hooker with a baseball bat.”

(The dad storms out of the store with his kids, all the while asking if they knew about the hookers and baseball bats.)


He Who Giveth
Spoiler:
(I work as a security manager and share an office with the tech support teams in a hospital. One day, the client walks into the office.)

Client: “My windows login says it’s disabled.”

[b]IT Support member:
“Yes, I disabled it because when I came to service your printer last night, I noticed your password was written down next to your keyboard.”

Client: “I write it down because I always forget it.”

IT Support member: “I disabled it because you are not supposed to do that.”

Client: “Well, can I have a new password and my account enabled?”

Me: “I hope you are not going to write it down again. It’s a serious offence, especially given you have access to patient details.”

Client: *angrily* “Well, I’m writing it down anyway. What are you going to do about it?!”

Me: “We can disable your account permanently and recommend disciplinary action against you.”

Client: “Ha! Well, go ahead. I don’t care. You can’t do anything to me. I’ve been here for years and I retire in two years anyway, so there!”

(The next day, the same client comes back to my office.)

Client: “My computer is not in my office.”

Me: “That’s correct, it’s currently being rebuilt.”

Client: “When can I get it back?”

Me: “I’ve spoken to your manager. He said you can do your job without a computer for the next two years.”


No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
Spoiler:
Customer: “Hi, you guys were supposed to send me an email, and I haven’t gotten it yet.”

Me: “Okay, I see we sent that email at 3:05 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Can you confirm your email address is [email address]?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it. What time did you send it?”

Me: “3:05 p.m. Eastern Time.”

Customer: “Oh, okay that’s why. I’m in Central Time, so it’ll take an hour to get here. Thanks!”


Zombies Need Life Insurance Too
Spoiler:
Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”


Welcome To Retail, Part 2
Spoiler:
(It’s my first day on the job. I just finished scanning all of a customer’s groceries and given her the total when she holds up a roll of paper towels. She hadn’t put them on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “Why didn’t you ring this up?”

Me: “Oh. You didn’t put it down on the conveyor belt. I’ll add it to your–”

Customer: “Why is it my fault? You should have rung it up the first time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you didn’t–”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager. ”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, she didn’t ring this up.” *holds up paper towels*

Manager: “Ma’am, did you put it on the conveyour belt?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Then how could she ring it up?”

Customer: “By sliding it across the beepy thingy, duh!”

Manager: “How could she if you hadn’t put it down?”

Customer: “… I don’t know. She just should have!”

Manager: “Well, then why don’t I take that and we’ll ring that up for you right away.”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Why not, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay for them.”

Manager: “Okay, ma’am. I can return them to the aisle for you.”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I still want them, I just don’t wanna pay. Why do you think I didn’t put them down on the move-belt thing? You gotta give them to me for free now, because I had to call you over.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I’m taking them.”

Manager: “That’s theft, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine!” *slams paper towels on conveyor belt*

(She eventually pays, but not before flipping us the bird. How nice for my first day.)


The Thing On The Thing With The Thing
Spoiler:
Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I direct your call?”

Customer: “Do you have any of those things you can put on tables?”

Me: “Like a table cloth?”

Customer: “No. They’re those things you can put on tables.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can put a lot of things on tables.”

Customer: “Well I don’t know what they’re called! You’re the one who should know!”

Me: *face on desk*


Lost In Time And Retail Space
Spoiler:
(I’ve worked in the store for over a year. There is also a small pin on my badge saying ‘serving you since 2008’.)

Customer: “Hi! Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

Me: “Actually, no, I’ve worked here for a year and a half.”

Customer: “No way! I shop here everyday! I’ve never seen you!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that I’ve worked here for that long. Look at my name badge.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re a liar! It says you’ve been here since 2008!”

Me: “I have.”

Customer: “Who did you steal that pin from?”

Me: “It’s mine.”

(My manager comes over.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “This girl is a liar! She’s says she worked here since 2008!”

Manager: “She has.”

Customer: “2008 hasn’t even happened yet!”


When One Door Closes, Another Door Shuts
Spoiler:
(I’m assisting a customer in the parking lot with her groceries. She presses the lock button on the driver’s side door and closes it.)

Customer: “Oh no! I locked my keys in the ignition!”

Me: “Well, your back door is still open.”

Customer: “I know, I know, but my door is locked! D***!”

Me: “But the back door is still open. You could pass through it to–”

Customer: *slams the back door shut* “Fine, there! Now it’s closed! Can we get back to my problem now?”


Online Store, Meet Offline Brain
Spoiler:
(The customer is requesting that I order her some clothing that our store currently does not have in stock to be delivered to her home address.)

Me: “…and what is your home address?”

Customer: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “So that the clothes can be delivered to the correct address.”

Customer: “How do the clothes get to me from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t quite understand what you are asking.”

Customer: “I mean, all you have told the computer is my information. How do the clothes get from the computer to me?”

Me: “Well, the information goes to our warehouse and they will send the clothes to your address from there.”

Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”


And The Cycle Starts Anew
Spoiler:
(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)

Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a Vanilla Ice Blended from the store in [other location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I had to drive out to Cedars-Sinai last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [other location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”

Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”

Customer: “I want two Vanilla Ice Blendeds…”


Best Not Order The French Fries
Spoiler:
(I come in on my day off to get my paycheck. My boss asks me to help with a table of two people who are speaking mostly French before I go. When I am done another customer calls me over.)

Customer: “Excuse me, don’t you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. It’s just my day off today. Would you like me to get your server?”

Customer: “What were you just talking in? It was some kind of foreign talk. At that other table there?”

Me: “Oh, I speak a little bit of French, so I was helping the server.”

Customer: “You can do that?”

Me: “Do what, sir?”

Customer: “You can speak French in here? Isn’t that illegal?!”

Me: “To speak French?”

Customer: “Yeah! I mean, this is a Mexican restaurant. You could get shot for speaking in French! Or even just thinking about talking in French!”

Me: “Well–”

Customer: “Shot!”

Me: “I don’t think–”

Customer: “Shot!”

Me: “Sir–”

Customer: “SHOT I SAID!”

Boss: “It’s okay. She was thinking about the words in Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh good.” *whispers to me* “Don’t ever try to talk in British in here. It won’t end well.”

(My boss made a gun out of paperclips and attached them to all of my paychecks after that.)


Last edited by CivBase on Tue Sep 27, 2011 8:17 pm; edited 3 times in total

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Re: Not Always Right

Post by Divine Virus on Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:09 am

Since I work at TWO retail jobs, you understand how much of this I have experienced.

For example: http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence/13962
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Re: Not Always Right

Post by Rasq'uire'laskar on Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:19 am

So glad I never went into retail. And in those few months I worked at Dairy Queen, I am glad I never had to talk to a single customer.

Spoiler:

Fighting Fire With Fire

(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.)

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers.”

Father: *beaming* “No.”

Me: “No, as in, no you won’t tell them to stop it?”

Father: *still beaming*“Yes.”

(I have to get back to work at this point and sure enough, the kids keep misbehaving. Several customers complain to me but I have no authority to throw them out. The last to complain is a table with about eight young guys.)

Customer 1: “So there’s nothing you can do about them?”

Me: “I’m so very sorry sir, but no. I can get you a drink from the house to make up for it.”

Customer 2: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “Well, I can see if I can get you a free desert…”

Customer 2: “Not what I meant. Can’t you get your boss?”

Me: “I’m afraid he’s not in, sir.”

Customer 1: “Well we won’t accept any free stuff. I bet that would come out of your pay.”

Customer 3: Hold on…”

(The customer gets up and the others immediately follow him to the noisy, messy table. They’re now surrounded by eight tall young men who look mighty pissed.)

Customer 3, to the father: “Tell them to stop it.”

Father: *still beaming* “No.”

Customer 1: “You’re upsetting the waitress.”

Father: “Do you guys even work here?”

Customer 1: “No, we’re from that prison up the street. We’re out on parole. Funny coincidence, we all served seven years for kidnapping and murdering a bunch of noisy brats and a jerk who made minimum-wage waitresses cry.”

(At this point the kids become very, very quiet and the other patrons start giggling and staring.)

Father: “You’re lying.”

Customer 4: “Wanna take that chance, buddy?”

(One more lecherous grin was enough to send the whole bunch of misfits scurrying to the exit. My knights in shining armor actually got applause from the other diners and a free meal from me.)
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Re: Not Always Right

Post by Gauz on Tue Sep 27, 2011 2:36 pm

I'm embarrassed to be apart of the same species as some of these people I have read about.
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Re: Not Always Right

Post by Onyxknight on Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:23 pm

Spoiler:
Wake Up And Smell The Snooty

(I wait tables in a very upscale restaurant in Manhattan. Most of our clientele makes more money in one year than I’ll ever see in my lifetime. This sometimes leads to customers forgetting that the world does not revolve around them. This particular Saturday night, I have a rather rude couple whom I cannot seem to please, and to top it off, I am not exactly feeling well. I have epilepsy, and as we are extremely busy, my boss has me on a light work load for the night and wants me to take it easy.)

Customer: *shouting across the restaurant* “Waiter! Waiter! My wife and I are ready to order and we were sat five minutes ago already!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’re a little busy tonight. What can I get for you two this evening?”

Customer: “Just get us each a glass of your house wine. We’re not ready to order our entrees yet.”

(As the next half-hour progresses, I feel worse and worse until I start to see auras. They’re usually my only warning that I’m about to have a seizure within the next 30 seconds. This happens as I’m carrying out the tray of food for the lovely couple. The last thing I remember is slamming the tray down on the nearest table. The next thing I am aware of is some angry shouting.)

Customer: “I pay good money for my food and this little s*** drops it all over the place! I demand at least some compensation! He knows I have money. He just did it to garner sympathy for an extra tip!”

Boss: “Sir, with all due respect, he has epilepsy and the paramedics are on their way. Anyway, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t fake a seizure, urinate himself, and slice his face open on broken glass on purpose, all for an extra $20. I’m sorry that you’re upset, but we have to take care of the situation at hand first and then we can solve whatever problems remain.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! He has ruined my experience and traumatized my wife!”

(Paramedics arrive, check me over, lift me onto a gurney. Meanwhile, I am absolutely mortified, confused, and crying.)

Customer, to me: “You! I’ll remember your face! You’re a disgusting little money-grubbing runt, trying to garner sympathy from the poor customers in this restaurant! I’m never coming back here after this stunt you pulled. Unforgivable! ”

(He then storms out of the restaurant, dragging his wife behind him, whilst shouting out numerous colorful expletives.)

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Re: Not Always Right

Post by BBJynne on Tue Sep 27, 2011 5:22 pm

Onyxknight wrote:Customer, to me: “You! I’ll remember your face! You’re a disgusting little money-grubbing runt, trying to garner sympathy from the poor customers in this restaurant! I’m never coming back here after this stunt you pulled. Unforgivable! ”
Waiter: AT LEAST YOUR MOTHER TIPPED WELL! *double slap*

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