On the Origin Of the Infantry

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On the Origin Of the Infantry

Post by Rasq'uire'laskar on Tue May 22, 2012 5:42 pm

Found a link to this on a blog, thought I'd share it.

In the beginning the Lord created the Heavens and the Earth and the Infantry. And He looked upon the Infantry, saw that it was good, and said unto them "Thou art my chosen children. Take thou dominion over the Earth; over the fish of the Sea, the birds of the Air, and all of the Key Terrain."

And as a mark of His favor the Lord placed in the hands of the Infantry the sacred relics: the Apostolic Anti-Armor Weapon, the Catholic Claymore, and the Marian Machine Gun. Likewise gaveth the Lord unto the Infantry the Rucksack of Repentance, the Radio of Redemption and the Rifle of Rectitude. Lastly, unto the Infantry, and most divine of all, the Lord gaveth the Holy Hand Grenade. For the Infantry's sustenance the Lord declared "Four shall be thy food groups: Coffee, Tobacco, C-Rats, and Alcohol. Shun all other unclean food and drink." And the Infantry dwelt in the land therein.

And time passed, and the Infantry cried out unto their Lord saying "Lord, help us, for we are weary." And He smiled upon the Infantry, for they were blessed. Then the Lord took the fattest and laziest of the Infantry and set them upon beasts of burden. And these He called Cavalry. And as the Cavalry became fatter, lazier and heavier still they were known as Armor, or DAT's for short. And the Lord looked down upon the Armor and saw that it was mediocre. The Lord then said "Oh, well. Thou canst not win them all. Let them lead in case of landmines." To the DAT's the Lord said "Quiche shall be thy food, and bottled water thy drink. Touch not the sacred chow of the Infantry." And the Infantry and the Armor dwelt in the land therein.

And time passed and the Infantry cried out again unto their Lord saying "Lord help us, for we are weary." And He smiled again upon the Infantry, for they were his chosen. Then He took those of the Armor with butts like baseplates and breath like sulfur and tiny, tiny pee-pees and these He made Artillery. But The Lord saw that the Artillery, too, was mediocre and said unto Himself "Oh well; garbage in, garbage out." Unto the Artillery He said "The big guns shall atone in part for thy diminutive other stature. Tryst thou not to hurt thyself." To the Infantry the Lord said "When the night is darkest these shall light the way . . . more or less. When the approach is most open these shall, occasionally -- with luck, confound the enemy's sight. When thou callest for fire support these shall -- eventually -- provide it with high explosive, cluster munitions and, best of all, nukes." But the Lord cautioned the Infantry to never, never, never trust TACFIRE or any other electronic computer in the hands of the Artillery. And the Infantry, the Armor, and the Artillery dwelt in the land therein.

Then the Artillery created the Air Defense Artillery; but quickly asked forgiveness. And time passed and the Infantry called out yet again unto their Lord, saying "Lord help us, for we are weary." Again the Lord looked with favor upon the Infantry. He took those of the Armor, Artillery and Air Defense Artillery who most liked to play in the mud and these he made Combat Engineers, and those who dwelt in darkness and spoke in riddles and these he made Military Intelligence, and those with thieving hearts and these He made Quartermasters, and of those who neither sowed nor reaped and were most fond of hammering square pegs into round holes He made Adjutants General. Of those who liked to tinker with good equipment until it broke He made the Ordnance Corps. Of those whose penchant was poison He made Cooks. Of those who ran around in circles He made the Transportation Corps. Of the least articulate He made Signalers. Of the mindlessly doctrinaire and arrogant He -- reluctantly -- created Military Police and Inspectors General (though the Lord admitted, to Himself, that He was probably only providing employment opportunities to Satan's minions). Of those who dealt in controlled substances He made the Medics and of those whose minds had been destroyed by the same made He the Chemical Corps. Of those most lacking in compassion, goodwill, intellect, and initiative, He organized into the VA. Yea, the Lord of All filled up the MTOE. And the Infantry, and the others, dwelt in the land therein.

Time passed, but yet, again, the Infantry cried out unto their Lord, saying "Lord, help us, for we are weary. And the Heavens darkened, and the clouds gathered. The lightning spaketh and the Infantry abased themselves before their Lord, for they were sore afraid. And the Lord spoke with anger, asking "How canst thou yet be weary? Have I not made the Armor and the Artillery to support thee? Have I not made of the detritus of the earth Quartermasters and Adjutants and Signalers and Transporters and a host of others to assist thee? Verily, have I not even made Military Intelligence, although it were a contradiction in terms?"

Humbly the Infantry abased themselves again before their Lord, crying "Lord, it is of these that we are weary."

Amen, Amen
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Re: On the Origin Of the Infantry

Post by KristallNacht on Tue May 22, 2012 7:14 pm

Heh
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Re: On the Origin Of the Infantry

Post by dragoon9105 on Tue May 22, 2012 7:44 pm

And then the Lord invented Video Games, and well we all know what role infantry has been put in ever since. Very Happy

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Re: On the Origin Of the Infantry

Post by Onyxknight on Fri May 25, 2012 2:33 pm

The Engineer Song


Chorus:
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers.
We can, we can, we can, we can demolish 40 beers.
Drink up, drink up, drink up, drink up and come along with us
Cause we dont give a damn about any old man who dont give a damn about us!

My father was a miner in the upper Malamute
My mother was a hostess in a house of ill repute.
They kicked me out of house and home, but in my tender years
So I told em all to go to hell and joined the Engineers!

Godiva was a lady who through Coventry did ride.
Showing all the villagers her lovely lilly hide.
The most observant fellow was a Engineer of course,
Hes the only one that noticed that Godiva rode a horse!

(Chorus)

"I've come a long long way" she said, "and go as long and far"
With the man who'll help me off my horse and to a bar.
The men who helped her off her horse and stood her to a beer,
Were a bleary eyed suveyor and a drunken Engineer!

(chorus)

A tanker and a Engineer were drinkin from a can,
The tanker to the Engineer "Out drink me if you can!".
The tanker took one drink and then he started turning green,
But the Engineer kept drinking it was only gasoline!

(chorus)

The Air Force and the Navy came to town to have some fun,
Down into the taverns where the fiery liquors run.
But all they found was broken glass, the Engineers had come.
The traded junk filled demo bags for gallon kegs of rum!

(chorus)

Now Venus was a statue made entirely of stone.
Not a fig leaf on her, she was naked to the bone.
And seeing that her arms were gone, two Engineers discoursed,
"Of course the damn things broken,and it should be reinforced"

(chorus)

Ceaser went to Egypt at the age of 53,
Cleopatra's blood was warm,her heart was young and it was free
But every night when Julie left the house at 3 o'clock,
There was a Roman Engineer awaiting just around the block!

(chorus)

Sir Francis Drake and all his men set out for Misery Bay,
They heard the Spanish Rum Fleet was a headin' out that way.
But the Engineers had bet them by a night and half a day,
And though as drunk as hooligans you could still here them say

(chorus)

We lay down all their roling roads,we cut down all their trees
And if the orders ever come, we'd forge the raging seas.
When ever they want to sleep a while, we put them up a town,
And we build the blasted bridges so the Infantry wont drown!

(chorus)

We put them over rivers and across the mountains streems,
Do everything but tuck them in, and wish them pleasant dreams.
When the goings really tough, and bombs do burst their ears,
The whole divisions quick to say, "Lord Pheonix SEND THE ENGINEERS!"

(chorus)

We build and blow your bridges and fix your roads up, too.
There aren't too many things in life an Engineer cant do.
You never seem to need us till your minds are full of fear,
Then the first thing that you call for are the Combat Engineer

(chorus)

We build and guard your barriers, we build your bunkers too.
And each and every we prove what Engineers can do.
For in the thick of every fight, the cry has been for years,
"Come clear the path, save our ass, you Combat Engineers!!!"

copypasta
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