Warriors of Light

I think it's too direct and has a bad choice of words.... good plot though

i like it

Chapter 3: Hard Drop

UNSC Frigate Hornet
00:13 Hours [SPARTAN-009 Mission clock] //Location Unknown//

“EMP blast detected. Preparing for launch,” said Hammer as a bright white light came through the front window of the life pod. Seconds later, there was a loud boom and the life pod accelerated into space. Soon the life pod turned to a position so that they could see the unknown ship, seconds later, they saw the Hornet fire its last MAC shell at the Unknown, gutting it in the middle. “Well,” said Henry, “that was easy.” The ship was still atmosphere and debris. Moments later, another ship that was even bigger than the first started to approach the hornet. The ship was V-shaped but had a brake near what appeared to be the bridge and then went back to two smaller V-shaped wings and it had a red line down the center of them middle with red lines on both small V-shaped wings and on the bridge tower.
“That’s one big ship,” said Henry. “Hornet doesn’t stand a chance against a ship that size.”
“I have contacts coming from the ship,” said Hammer.
“How many, Hammer?”
“About twelve coming from the center of the ship,”
Will looked at the ship again and saw the red center line was opening and saw eight of the unknown contacts coming out of the ship. The hornet isn’t going to make it, thought Will, we need to get to that planet or WE’RE next. Seconds later, the life pod started to accelerate more and at that point Will knew they were in the planets atmosphere.

RAC Kantar
07:55 Hours [System Time] 365 Days ACW
Near Hoth asteroid field

The engines roared to life in Basilisks ARC-170 fighter as he and his squadron left the hanger bay of the Kantar. Soon after Basilisk left the deck his COM sprang to life. “Blue Leader, this is Blue Two, you read me? Over.”
“Blue Two, this is Blue Leader, I am receiving. Over.”
“Good Basilisk, I thought it was still out from the last battle.”
“Rogue, Basilisk, cut the chatter and go disable that ship, then we can save the men from the Hammer of Dawn.”
“Understood. Kantar Blue Leader out.”
As Basilisk accelerated his ARC-170 towered the unknown ship he saw yellow flashes coming from eight points on the ship. Basilisks COM came back to life again “I’m hit! I’m hit!” said a frantic voice then there was an explosion. “Fierfek, deflector shields up now.”
After a few seconds the next fighter being targeted started having blue echoes on its fuselage; that meant the squadron had its shields. “Ok Blue Two and Three, follow me in. Blues four through twelve, set up your attack run.” Basilisk, Rogue, and the rest of Blue squadron only had one shot to disable the unknown ship before they would have to return to Kantar.
“Ah, Boss, what if we miss?” said Rogue.
Basilisk replied, “WE won’t miss those Chakaars.” About a minute later Basilisk and his wingmen fired the proton torpedoes and in about ten seconds they scored a hit on the unknown and it started to list to port, it was disabled.
“Oh-yea new proton torpedoes worked like a charm,” said a voice over the radio .
“Kantar, this is Blue Leader, you are clear to bored the unknown ship. Over.”
“Roger that Blue Leader, we are moving into position now. Good job.”
Soon another voice come over his COM, this time it was Rogue. “Boss, we lost Blue 7… it was Fi.” FIERFEK, thought Basilisk, I lost too many good people over the last four years, but I thought Fi would be one of the last I’d lose. Basilisk and Blue Squadron returned to the Kantar for re-arming in case there were more out there.

Far too strait forward. Very few discriptions. Make sure when you have something like a battle, you don't just list events. Don't just say: "this is when they fired, and 5 seconds later this happened, then this happened." It doesn't make fore a very entertaining story. I give this chapter a 2/10.

yeah....i got lost on the first sentence.

Chapter 4: Attack of the Clones

LAAT/i Gunship Theta-26
08:07 Hours [System Time]
Hoth Surface, 2 Kilometers From Target

“Two-Six move to left flank and close up formation. Over,” said the familiar voice of a clone pilot in their attack group.
“Twelve, Twelve your COM’s gone static,” said Niner, his squad leader.
“On it,” said Twelve slamming his hand agents his helmet.
“Better now, Twelve,” said Niner. “Okay, listen up squad. We are to secure the main bridge in the settlement wile Rex and Torrent Company attack the artillery base. After that, the combined 501st and 212th Battalions move in-” He was cut off by an explosion out side the larty.
“Close the blast shield” said Niner over the COM to the pilot and the blast shielding quickly closed on the gunship’s side.
“Thirty seconds,” said another voice over the COM as an explosion rocked the larty then a bigger explosion come from out side. Suddenly another voice came over the COM.
“Theta-17 is going down. Repeat, Theta-17 is going down.” Twelve looked around the troop bay and looked at all the men - his vode - in their Phase II armor and orange stripes on there armor - the colors of the 212th - in the last final seconds before the bay opened. Then the doors opened, letting in light, and all the men in the gunship ran out, but a few seconds later there was a whistling sound and one clone yelled.
“IN COMING!” A load blasted the ground nearly ten meters away from him. Where’d that come from? thought Twelve, and am I dead? Then he felt he was being dragged on the ground and he opened his eyes wearily and saw the familiar helmet of Niner.
“What… what was that Sarge?” said Twelve, just starting to come to.
“Mortar round hit the larty,” said Niner, nodding his head in the direction that the larty - now a smoldering wreck - was and about six bodies on their side were strewn along it.
“You’re lucky,” continued Niner, “more then half the squad is dead.” Twelve looked to his left to see three other men behind the same peace of rubble.
“We’re not leaving ‘till we take this bridge. Able, squad charge,” said one of the other clone sergeants and nine clones ran forward being quickly cut down. We need more men for this, thought Twelve. The Chakaare knew we were coming.

So, are you done with this?

You've got a great premise and story, but your writing needs some polishing up.

im trying to get ideas together i know WHO Tweleve and Niner are fighting thow need a little bit more to go off of first

Chapter 5: Into the Abyss

Hoth Surface Outskirts of Unknown Settlement
08:29 Hours [System Time]
Outskirts of Unknown Settlement

“This is what happens when we go head first full speed like Di’kuts into an enemy that knows the terrain better then we do,” said Niner looking over to the bridge as another mortar blew up in front of them. Need to find a rifle fast, thought Twelve searching for a weapon and finding one next to a wounded soldier.
“Watch it,” said Niner, “destroyer droids coming in.” Twelve looked up and saw the ball form of the Mark I Droideka brown but, unlike the CIS holdouts one, has yellow on what would be the top of its head.
“Well,” said one of the clones, “looks like we got Zann Consortium here watch out for the-” A purple flair like object hit the clone, disengaging him.
“Watch it! Merc squad coming in as well; it looks like they have disruptors.” Twelve looked at the charred skeletal remains then ducked behind the rubble as five more went by. One hit a piece and it blew up, knocking Twelve over. Static came over his COM as clear as day.
“This is B-Company. We are in rout to your position, ETA sixteen minutes sit rep. Over.”
Niner spoke, “negative, Captain, we’ll be dead in five. Please advise.”
“Hold on… we got a squadron of ARC-170’s, they’ll be there in three.”
“Thank you CT-Nine-Three-Oh-Nine. Out.”
Niner looked over the rubble and fired a spray of blaster fire at the mercs then threw a grenade, sending droid parts in the air. Twelve stood up and fired into the squad, killing two of the mercs. “Take that you Chakaare,” yelled Twelve. Twelve’s COM started to coracle with static and a pilots voice came interrupted.
“This is Green Leader to Niner. Do you read? Over.”
“This is Niner to Red Three. Fire mission Seven-Zero-Five.”
“Roger that. Keep your buckets on. Over.”
A huge explosion rocked their position. Twelve looked up and saw that they hit a camouflaged power generator. “Well, well,” said Niner, “looks like Tyber wasn’t to smart, putting such a vital equipment in such an easy area to hit.”
The COM buzzed again along with the faint sound of a LAAT/I gunship, getting louder by the second.
“B-Company to Niner; we will be there in lest than a minute. Hold your position. Over.”
“Niner to B-Company; we are holding. Niner out.”
Niner then sat down, took off his helmet, and wiped his forehead with his wrist. He then put it safely back on his head.
“Well, this won’t end well, Sarge,” said Twelve.
“Twelve, this is only the beginning of this battle,” said Niner, “and don’t expect it to get better.”
Eight lartys landed and troops rushed out. Two AT-TE’s and one of the soldiers made their ways over to Niner. “Sorry about that, soldiers. The intel for this part was sketchy. The larty will re-deploy in one hour.”
“Yes sir!” said Niner and Twelve in unison
They quickly scrambled onto the gunship. Niner mumbled, “or we we’re the bait.” The gunship smoothly lifted off.

Chapter 6: Among the Snow and Ice

Unknown Planet, In a Crashed Bumble Bee Life Pod
02:39 Hours [SPARTAN-009 Mission Clock]

“Get up,” said the female voice of Hammer as Will woke up. “Get up. Anderson is hurt bad. We need to get going right now. I’ve had two contacts all ready.” Getting up, Will looked for Anderson so he could try and get him to shelter, then Will looked out the back end of the pod and saw that the ground out side was covered in snow.
“Hammer,” said Will with confusion, “did we land in a mountain area or the polar region?”
“Analyzing,” said Hammer. “The planet is covered in snow but I would be more worried about what’s on this planet than the climate.”
A groan game from where Anderson was. Will walked over to see that Anderson was waking up. “Are you all right? Can you move?” asked Will, standing next to Anderson as he woke up in the life pod seat.
“I have…” said Anderson as he grabbed his lag in pain, “a broken leg, but I don’t know if its shattered.”
“Okay,” said Will, “but we need to get out of here before…” A sound came from out side the ship that sounded like a bear or lion.
“What was that?” asked Hammer with worry in her voice.
“I’ll go and see what it is,” said Will picking up an MA5B Assault Rifle.
“Watch your self, Spartan. We can’t afford to lose you,” said Anderson.
Will walked out of the crashed life pod and walked on to a small dune of snow and looked around and saw what looked like a steel-colored door with what appeared to be green, running lights. A loud “roar” came from his side and knocked him down while sending his rifle several feet into the air. Will quickly got up and saw a white creature with Razor sharp claws on his hands and teeth and two curved horns on its head. The creature roared and charged again. Just before it rammed Will, he jumped out of the way and was thrown several feet, landing a yard away from his rifle.
Will quickly ran to his rifle and as the beast charged again he fired six shots into the beast’s torso dropping it to the ground. Will walked up to it and asked it as it died, “what are you?” Will fired three more bullets into it to make sure it was dead.
Checking his armor, Will noticed that there were crimson splotches of the beast’s blood at his chest and the armor where he was hit was dented - one on the left shoulder plate and one on the right torso. Will ran back to the life pod in case there were more around.
As he entered Anderson stared in shock. “What happened to you? Looks like you got hit by a Warthog! And it seems to have won.”
“Well, Corporal” said Will as he picked up the rest of there gear and pulled Hammer out of the life pods control panel, “this planet has deadly beasts on it, but I found us shelter.”
“Okay Spartan, I think I can walk there but I’ll need help.”
“Got it, but get what you can. We need to go now.”
Anderson picked up a backpack and an M7S Sub Machine Gun and limped out of the pod before Will.
“Which way to the shelter, Spartan?” asked Anderson.
“Three degrees to the left; it has green lights” said Will while walking out of the pod.
They walked past the dead beast that now had blood covered snow around its body, and walked up to the giant door that Will sighted earlier. Will noticed a blue holographic panel and pressed it and the door opened. “That was anti-climatic” said Anderson with hysteria.
“Anderson, don’t do jokes until we know what planet were on,” said Hammer as they walked into the confines of the structure.

Hehe. Spartan vs wampa right? I like the mix between UNSC and SW.

The writing is better, but still, you could use more practice.

What was it you said you had in the CB that one time?
Autism or something?

Chapter 7, Section 2: The Fall of Hoth

Near Hoth Asteroid Field
Bridge, RAC Kantar
09:39 Hours, 365 Days ACW

“Ok Sev, because I’m low on experienced bridge crew you will be working with us now,” said the captain of the RAC Kantar.
“Ok so what do you need me to do?” asked Sev, looking around the bridge.
“You,” said the Captain, “are on long range sensors until we can fined something better for you to do.”
“Yes sir,” said Sev walking over to his console in one of the two ‘pits’ on the bridge where weapons, sensor, and flight control crews worked. Well at least it can’t get any worse than it has today, thought Sev as he sat down.


3 Hours Later

An alarm sounded as Sev looked at his console. A large ship came out of nowhere right in front of them. “Power to weapons I want turbolasers and point defenses online now!” said the Captain. “Get Blue, Red, and Gold Squadrons out there. Sev, come with me.”
Sev got up and went with the Captain through a door in the back of the bridge to a room with a large circle table in the middle. The table activated and showed a hologram of the ship that, through the hologram, looked like a fruit that had four spikes under the front section.
“Sev,” said the Captain, “is this the same ship classification that attacked the Hammer?”
“No sir,” said Sev, “it was much smaller and wasn’t rounded. It was more angled.”
“Okay then, we must capture this ship’s crew as well.”
The door to the room opened and a crewman walked up to the Captain. “Sir,” said the crewman, “multiple contacts coming from the ship. We think they’re borders and fighters.”
“Launch Blue Squadron and have them clear the area as best they can before we launch the bombers.”
“Yes sir!” said the crewman. He saluted and walked out the door.


Hanger Bay, RAC Kantar

“This is Blue Leader to Blue Squadron, link lasers and get ready. We got a fight on our hands,” said Basilisk as his V-wing lifted off the deck. “Rouge, your with me but keep a tight formation. We can’t afford to lose anyone this time.”
“Roger that, Basilisk.”
A beeping sound came from behind Basilisk. It came from his astromech droid R7-P1.
“I know ArSeven, but keep that stabilizer in place ‘till were done”
R7 beeped in approval as they lifted into space and at the purple ship. R7 beeped again and on his scopes appeared eight targets that looked like bugs. “By the Force, what is that Blue Leader?” asked one of his squad mates over the COM.
“I don’t know, Blue Ten, but watch it.” said Basilisk is response.
R7 beeped again but this wasn’t good. Thirteen yellows disturbances appeared and thirteen more ships: one large ship that was about the size of one of the new star destroyers, three more of the ships that they first saw, and nine ships that looked like they were from the deepest depths. Of Mon Calamari seconds later the COM boomed with noise and a deep voice started talking. “Unknown vessel, this is… Heretics,” and it cut off almost as fast then started again but this time it was the Captain of the Kantar.
“Blue Leader we are pulling you out. Red and Gold Squadrons will defend the Kantar until we re-connect with the fleet and ground operations have stopped, but we must fight these guys for now. Kantar out,” and the COM went dead.
“You heard him, gents. Move to provide fighter support for the Kantar. I hope the General can do something to stop this without fighting,” said Basilisk as he and the rest of Blue Squadron moved to protect the Kantar.

uh....sounds....great!

You're getting better at conveying the story. Word choice could still use a little work, but not too bad. I'd give this newest chapter a... 5/10, but you're on your way.